In this movie, for a single moment, in Chinatown, every heterosexual male in the world wishes he could be Jason Statham. Oh yes.
"Crank" Review
Jason Statham- Chev Chilios
Amy Smart- Eve
Joe Pablo Cantillo- Verona
Dwight Yoakam- Doc Miles
Carlos Sanz- Carlito
Efren Ramirez- Kaylo
Reno Wilson- Orlando
Keone Young- Don Kim
Edi Gathegi- Haitian Cabbie
Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor
Screenplay by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor
Distributed by Lions Gate Films
Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, sexuality, nudity and drug use
Runtime- 87 minutes
Website: http://www.crankfilm.com/
Jason Statham's latest hip and edgy kung fu action flick, "Crank," is easy to dismiss from simply watching the trailer. A tough, macho kung fu assassin out for revenge against a bunch of even more hip and edgy Asian gangsters who have big machine guns and listen to rap music. Statham walks slowly (well, he walks in slow motion because it's just so cool looking), he beats people up using elaborate kicks and ridiculous jumping fist hits and whatnot simply because he can, and there's a "tricked out" old muscle car that the macho kung fu hero must drive. Good God we've already seen that a million times, both in movies and in videogames, and, truth be told, it was never that interesting to begin with. And that's pretty much what the movie is about. The big difference between the assumed description and what the movie actually is is something relatively simple but also something that could have just blown up in the movie's face. A sense of humor. "Crank" is a movie so ridiculous, a movie with characters who are deadly serious living in a world that isn't real, that is so exagerated that it constantly winks at the audience and lets everyone know that this movie is all for laughs. Oh, yeah, there is plenty of hip and edgy brutality via the already mentioned hip and edgy kung fu hijinks, but, again, it's all about the laughs.
The flick starts out with Statham's Chev Chilios (which, at certain time sounds like "Jeff" Chilios) waking up to find out that he's been injected with some kind of "Chinese cocktail"/"Beijing cocktail" drug that's going to kill him if he stops moving. The drug was given to him by a bald scumbag named Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo), who can't stand Chilios at all (and can't stand that he killed someone who apparently didn't need to be killed). After waking up and finding out what's happened, Chilios goes on a rampage, trying to find out why he was given the "cocktail" and how can he get an antidote. All the while he has to deal with assorted bad guys while trying to maintain his adrenalin level. And while all of this is going on, Chilios is trying to find a way to break the news to his ultra hot girlfriend Eve (Amy Smart, who should wear the alleged clothes she wears in her first scene all of the time. Yummy, yummy, tummy) and keep her safe. There are double crosses, revelations, and plenty of violence. We aren't given much in the way of background information or setting. The movie starts immediately and never really stops. Heck, even when it ends you're not really sure if it's over.
This is one of Statham's better kung fu hitman characters, although is name is ridiculous (the directors, Mark Neveldine and Brian Tayor, should have had an on screen graphic indicating what Statham's name is so we don't wonder if it's Chev, Checy, or Jeff). He does the rage and fight thing well, his hunched shoulders walk doesn't feel contrived, and he knows how to make a serious character freaking hilarious. The man has to run around downtown Los Angeles wearing a hospital gown and sporting what Veronica Corningstone would call "a massive erection" (it's all the result of the stuff Dwight Yoakam's doctor character tells Chilios to take to help prevent the cocktail from killing him). He's dang near brilliant when interacting with Amy Smart's Eve, having to switch between being the ruthless, rage driven killer that is his occupation and the doting, soft voiced boyfriend at a second's notice. A sequel to this flick would likely be more interesting than the sequel Statham made last year (that's "Transporter 2," which was okay but not great). And, yes, even after that ending there could be a sequel.
Amy Smart is "hot." She's the world greatest girlfriend. Although it's hard to figure out if she's a drugged out zombie type person or just a ditz (this reviewer is willing to bet it's both). She wears skimpy clothes, has no problem with nudity (it's just like "Road Trip" here int hat regard), and is nice enough to care about. Smart is also quite funny, and when she has to do something fairly ridiculous (although this reviewer is willing to bet that every heterosexual man in the world wishes he could be Jason Statham in Chinatown in this movie) she makes it work.
And then there's Dwight Yoakum. He seems to get all of these weird character roles ("Panic Room," among others) and manages to make them work despite the fact you don't really think of him as an actor (he's a country music performer). His Doc Miles character is a sort of drugged out, cheesy 1980's Italian action movie version of Billy Bob Thornton. And he's balding, which for some reason is funny. He also gets one of the weirder group sex scenes in recent history. They could probably do a sitcom on Doc Miles.
Cantillo's Verona and Carlos Sanz's ultra bad mob guy Carlito supply the bad guy muscle. Verona gets more to do than Carlito (Verona actually gets to have a sense of humor, while Carlito is sort of a toned down, less glistening version of the bad guy from "The Transporter 2"). Reno Wilson, who plays Orlando, the black biker gang leader who sells Chilios some cocaine, should have been given more screen time. Much like Verona, he has a sense of humor and is far more interesting in a movie like this, as opposed to ust some grimacing standard bad guy (like Carlito). Efren Ramirez, who plays Chilios' defacto sidekick Kaylo, gets the short end of the stick when his transvestite character gets dispatched towards the end without much fanfare. Too bad, because he could have made a good sitcom, too.
The movie acts like a timed videogame. Chilios moves from scene to scene, trying to keep the pace and action up, which actually makes sense since his character will die if he doesn't. There's plenty of hip and edgy split screen/flash cut/side-by-side screen hooha, but it actually has a place here. The music, while it trends towards hip hop and that weirdbeard skater alternative fast guitar riff stuff, isn't always annoying. When was the last time you saw a movie that started out with a "Quiet Riot" song over the credits? And there's an ongoing motif of using vintage Atari videogames that's supposed to... this reviewer doesn't know why they're there. It's just odd, and it works. The violence, even when it's gory as all heck, is hilarious. You've got hand hacking, finger hacking, bullets to the head, a human grenade shield, bikini clad chicks in plastic domes that are just sitting ducks for machine gun fire, a car chase through a mall and a brilliant use of an escalator, a wicked car crash, old women beating up brown skinned foreigners that Statham labels "Al Qaida" (watch that old broad Steve Seagal snap that poor cabbie's wrist), gratutious suffocation with a plastic bag, parakeet destruction, and Keyone Young's Don Kim just standing there, in the middle of the gunfire, staring off into space. There's plenty more that this reviewer hasn't listed. And watch out for the bizarre subtitles that show up for no reason, the gratutious use of Google skyshots, and the Haitian cab driver. Funny stuff.
The movie isn't perfect, though. There's one big, glaring problem that's never explained. Why is Statham's character English? For the first twenty minutes or so it's hard to believe, even in this ridiculous world, that this English tough guy talks the way he does. Statham doesn't have the stature of Ahnold Schwarzeneger in that he can pass off his heavy Austrian accent because, well, he's Ahnold, so his accent is disconcerting. It gets better later on as you get caught up in the story, but it should have been mentioned at some point. Now, had this movie taken place in Britain or somewhere in Europe, it might not have been as glaring a problem (and this reviewer is willing to bet that had this movie been some kind of import from Europe every movie nerd on the internet would be singing its praises before its release. Wtahc and ask yourself if that would have likely happened). And the police in this flick are pretty stupid. How can they not manage this kind of mayhem? The dragnet and response they put up is, well, pathetic.
But, then the movie does contain Amy Smart and Chinatown. We'll always have Chinatown.
"Crank" is an action movie with a comedy soul that should be seen by everyone who likes action movies and has a dark sense of humor. If only Statham would make more movies like this (either this or he should work with John Carpenter more often. Sgt. Jericho rocks) he'd probabloy get more respect. Slightly more respect.
Go see "Crank." You won't be bored by it.
The 411: "Crank" is the latest Jason Stahtam action flick that will likely come and go quickly and make oodles of money on DVD. It's a movie that doesn't take itself seriously, packs as many laughs as bloody fight scenes, and manages not to be annoying, despite its bevy of music video hooha. You'll have fun with it. You will.
